RSS

Category Archives: HaRsH ReALitY!

Hopes, Dreams, Triumphs, Failures, Grateful and Moving On

Hopes, Dreams, Triumphs, Failures, Grateful and Moving On

Assalamualaikum and Hello to my dear lovers.. I mean, readers –,-“

So, “ghettoly” speaking ; “How’s it hangin’ y’all ? “

Yes. This particular week has been extra, extra hard on me. Well, the results just came out. And yes.. My result suck balls. (I’m sorry for the vulgars) < that’s my inner thought speaking. And I’m truly sorry.

And now let’s get  real.

The very first question must be this;

“What did you get?”

As simple as this question may be, this is the most annoying and somehow feels like-your-heart-been-stabbed-with-a-samurai question. No kidding.

Please remember that I am referring to those with poor and bad results and thinking that it’s THE END of this harsh and cruel world. If you ever feeling alone, brothers and sisters, trust me, you aren’t.

Welcome to the hood.

I understand how you guys feel. I really do. And I’m not even saying that just because I want you guys to feel better. It’s because I was feeling down these past days. Felt like I was and am a failure. A disappointment. A loser. An outcast. A NOBODY.

But, there’s this little voice inside me that has been whispering in the middle of my sad, pathetic conscience.

I know this might sound cliché and cheeky, but I really did. It gives me the chills just thinking about it.

“Pray…”

Yes, the whisper is as simple as that.

When the results came out, and I found out my result suck balls :, I cried. And the tears… it’s not even flood we’re talking. It’s a Tsunami! A Tsunami of Tears..

Obviously, I exaggerated that part a little. =.=”

I felt like a failed in my studies.

Failed in my life.

Although the “failed in life” seems a bit peculiar and over the top, but that is somehow what it feels like.

And it’s even annoying when people post on…

Facebook “Yeahhh.. My results are blah, blah, blah..”

Tweet “Alaaaa.. my pointer is only 3.7 bla bla bla”

Or “Yes! Accepted to something-something…”

You know, happy things about their bright and promising future.

And this left us “The Loser Ones” being quiet.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate them. In fact, I’m happy for them. (Well, that’s what I have been trying to convince myself and I am still trying to.. )

And it really feels like crap!

While friends celebrating their upcoming interviews, their 4-flat experience, their soon-to-be scholarships, and their “Yes! I got accepted to blah, blah, blah…” moments… we, on the other hand are sitting in our rooms, thinking ;

“What the hell am I going to do with my life?”

So, NOW, What should we do?

Give up? Lose Hope?

After A LOT of self-reflection and meditation, I’ve come up with these.

First of all, Accept your circumstances. Be grateful for what you got and take a note for life; “LESSONS LEARNED”

moving-on-quotes-sayings

A lot of people, maybe don’t realize this, but ACCEPTING is probably the hardest step. Like ever. Even harder than organic chemistry.

How can you ACCEPT FAILURE? You feel like while everyone is ahead of their games, laughing and eatingbon-bons, you are hit way back. And now, you are left ALONE there. Accept this failure in order to move on. In a relationship, to move on, you have to, inevitably, forget that bastard. I mean, person. You just have to.

Take 100% responsibility on your situations. Not blaming others, but yourself. Then, forgive yourself.

Have I accepted my circumstances? Have I forgiven myself for ‘jeopardizing my future’? Sometimes I think I have. But a lot of times, when I’m alone sitting or browsing the internet or while reading a book or even when I’m in the shower, it just hit me like “I screwed this opportunity. I’ll regret this forever…”

If I don’t accept my current situations, will I EVER be able to move forward?. No. Never.

Nelson Mandela said;

“The Greatest Glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall”
 

Secondly is, now that you accept your ‘horrible fate’, it’s time to CHANGE all this.

Realize that you are capable of turning it all around. I don’t know why, but every time I read a relatable quotesnowadays feels like a sympathetic pat on the head. With a hammer.

hammered

“Every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around.” Bear that in mind.

So the change we are about to take must be more bold this time. More systematic. Dig deep inside you and muster all the courage, strength and faith in yourself that you never know have dwelt inside you.

Thomas Edison

The CHANGE we are talking here must take steps. Remember, all of this requires your own willingness and effort. It will be a challenge. It will test you. It will test us. And expect them to be there. Don’t be such a crybaby when obstacles come. Expect them and eat them at breakfast.

  1. Dream Big.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”                   –C.S. Lewis

Now, I’m going to make a pretty bold statement. Ready? Okay, here we go.

It’s okay not to be a Doctor. It’s okay if you grow up and not become an engineer. It’s okay if you are not in line to become a lawyer. It’s okay. The problem that we face in today’s society and most of our family’s expectations is this 3 most popular jobs, I suppose.

And if you dream of becoming something else, something you are very passionate about, then, go for it. You want to own a shop, you want to become an artist, you want to motivate other people, you want to be a rich businessman, you want to act, you want to teach people, go for it! Don’t hesitate because everybody else is insisting to get a “real job”!

Yuna Zarai have been in law school for 4 years. Did she turn up to be a lawyer? Or actually do anything with legal practice? No. She’s an artist now.

“It’s better that you work hard for something you love than doing something you’re not so passionate about” she said. –I heard it on the radio -,-

And then, you start to question yourself and you might want to question me; “How can I make money from that? How can you make a living doing something I love?”

Right?

  1. Realize, Believe and Have Faith

I know in the first point that it may sound “Easier said than done”. Hey, remember, I’m in the same phase as you are. I’m as scared as you are.

Now, realize that you can make out a living doing something you love. I have friends who are passionate in painting and drawing and she takes a diploma in arts. Negative, bullshit people will come forward and say with their negative, donkey’s mouth “What are you going to do with your life?”

Well, when she became the next Picasso, don’t be embarrassed to ask for her autograph.

Be confident of what you are capable of and what you can grasp. Don’t reject yourself before others got the chance to reject you.

Ellen Degeneres loves making other people laugh. And she makes out a living out of it.

Mariah Carey loves singing and she’s making millions doing what she truly loves.

James Cameron has passion in directing movies. He’s currently one of the most outstanding directors.

Ustaz Azhar Idrus is a religious Guru. He’s doing things he’s passionate about. And he’s very excellent at it.

J.K Rowling is a brilliant writer. Who would have not known what is Harry Potter, right?

See? In this society, not EVERYONE MUST BE A LAWYER, DOCTOR OR AN ENGINEER. All of the other professions, make up the society. If you really have something in your mind, GO FOR IT!

Me? I have never stopped dreaming about becoming a neurosurgeon since I was a little kid. But, growing up, I realize I have something that I love more. Writing. In my first year secondary school, I used to write stories (Ghost stories) in a book, and then I asked friends to read them and rate the childish, grammar-gone-wrong stories. At first it was a few of my friends, then it was spread to almost the whole batch. Even some of my seniors read my stories. It is awful though, when I look at them now, but back then, I really, really enjoyed it. I will not say that my parents don’t hope for me to be a doctor. Actually, almost all of my family members expect me to become a doctor. And they still do. But, now, I realize, I am passionate towards science, but I don’t want to make it a profession. I want to write. I have a passion for language. I dream of being a polyglot! (Multilingualism)

And telling your parents is not the easiest step either. But, you must tell them. Make them understand. Know your plans for the future. Then, tell them your plans. Every parent wants the best for their child. I bravely told my mom that I want to write. To my astonishment, she encourages me to go for it!

Any field you want to pursue, my mom always remind me of this.

Be a DIAMOND that shine among the rocks. “Shine bright like a diamond” Rihanna said. And yes I know, “DIAMOND don’t shine..” whatever. You get my point, right?

Every single person in your field is doing the same thing, but if you really want to be successful in your field, be the best of them. Every singer sings, but those who worked really hard to improve their music, their voice, their publicity will prevail in their carrier.

And when I be the next J.K. Rowling, yes, I don’t mind if you come up to me to ask for an autograph. Just ask! hehehe XD

  1. The 3-finger-step

First, GET A GOAL

So, What is your goal? If you want to be a doctor, then that’s your goal. Be clear of what you want and how you want them to happen. Make it Happen.

Second, GET A PLAN

So the plan is…

Isolate the problem, calculate a suitable encounter, and institute the work.

Whatever your plan is, make sure you think every possibility and every flaw.

Okay. Here’s a scenario.

Mike failed his foundation studies. So, he can either take the supplementary exams to at least pass his foundation studies or he can apply for a diploma. He dreamed about becoming a doctor. A surgeon. He can take the supplementary exams, but with his current pointer, he may not get a course in medical studies. He may also apply for the diploma, but he’s afraid that this way, he’ll still be in university when all his friends have graduated. What should he do?

I don’t know what step would Mike prefer, but if he really wanted to become a doctor, I’ll suggest that he takes that diploma. I’ll explain why.

I know some of us failed and need to take the supplementary exams. If you are up to it, then do it. And this time, give your very best. Now, let’s pass with flying crayons! I mean, colors -_-‘

If you want to apply for a diploma, then, why not? If you feel embarrassed, then don’t be. You are not alone. A lot of people even finish their degree in their late 30’s, 40’s, there’s even a grandma that finish her degree in her golden years. Being late is not something we should be ashamed of. It’s just that we are not being like everybody else, but hey, being like everyone else is boring. In the end, you’ll get a degree, just like everyone else did.

Don’t be afraid. Just go for it!

Thirdly, GET UP YOUR ASS!

Planning, but doing nothing yields.. Well, NOTHING. So, calculate your plans well and then, let’s get to work.

Remember, taking the first step of everything is always the hardest. Harder than organic chemistry, indeed.

  1. Have faith

There’s a comfort in prayer. The Creator knows what’s best. He put every single one of us to become His humble servant and He made us to become somebody. And it’s also your choice! Just keep your faith. Maybe this failure is a reminder to me and to you too. Maybe we went astray, forgetting Him. Or maybe He knows that this is what we need to make us work harder, to be better.

Pray that He Lead you to the right path. Or maybe because of that too much of playing Dota. Or too much of late night Korean Dramas (Guilty). Or maybe too much sleeping during lecture. Or maybe… the list goes on and on…

وَقَالَرَبُّكُمُادْعُونِيأَسْتَجِبْلَكُمْۚإِنَّالَّذِينَيَسْتَكْبِرُونَعَنْعِبَادَتِيسَيَدْخُلُونَجَهَنَّمَدَاخِرِينَ

Surah 40. Al-Mu’min, Ayah 60

And your Lord says: “Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): But those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell in humiliation!”

 

Don’t pray that He will save you from all of the obstacles. Pray that you’ll be strong enough to face them, when they come to you.

Your circumstance may be A Blessing In Diguise.

The more challenge you face, the stronger you become.

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles he has overcome.” –Booker T. Washington.

z152Shield Bug 325 09-14-11 with LR Edits with quote with lots of textures low res

inspirational-quote-failure-thomas-edison-2

 

 

Finally, I’m not saying all of this because I have succeeded. I’m in the same shoes as all of you, remember? Well, the “Chosen Ones”, of course. But I am working step by step to it. Making small changes before I change big time. If you are afraid of your own future, then you are not alone. Every morning I wake up, I force myself to motivate myself, and pray to Allah that I have peace in my mind. Sometimes, (I mentioned already above) that I cried to think that I have no future. Sometimes, I wish that I would just wake up from this nightmare. I would cuddle to my mom just to whisper “I’m scared..” like a  helpless, pathetic, ugly, disgusting, loathsome, petty, pitiful, little girl. -..-

Yes, I exaggerated on that part too. Obviously :p

Last but not least, (gosh, this is turning into an essay) I listened to this song over and over again. The lyrics just touched me in the heart. I suggest you have a listen as well.

“..I can make it through the rain,

I can stand up once again, on my own,

And I know that I’m strong enough to mend,

And EVERYTIME I feel afraid,

I HOLD TIGHTER TO MY FAITH,

And I live one more day,

And I’ll make it through the rain..”

Mariah Carey, “Through The Rain”

hopequotes

Good luck in life. And please pray for me as well. Ahhh… yes, I won’t forget my promise to give you my autograph later. When I’m the next J.K. Rowling XD

 

 Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? Let me know you’re alive by leaving comments! 🙂

p/s: I’m not saying you should give up your dreams of becoming a doctor/lawyer/engineer =. =’

Advertisements
 
8 Comments

Posted by on May 16, 2014 in #Tips, All my life!, HaRsH ReALitY!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

My Fatherless Life

My Fatherless Life

Hello to All Fellow readers! How did you survived without me? It must be hard.

I know. I’ve been not writing whatsoever for A Very Long Time. Let me get this straight.

A very, very long time. Well, I was busy with… to be frank, nothing. I was just lazy as a donkey.

 

Me, those past weeks

you can bet I looked like that this past weeks.

 

  It's the frickin' internet which I don't have for quite 
                          some time.

 

I’ve been meaning to write about this part of my life. And if you were wondering, yes, I have been living my life ‘Fatherless’.

Technically my father is still alive though, my parents were divorced since I was 5.

 

To be truthful, I never actually have fun memories of my father, being actually there growing up. We met often, (not so often actually) of course, after blistering of mad and angry phone calls by mother. And by then, I thought, it’s basically normal. Not such a big deal to see adults fight.

 

I remembered when I was in kindergarden or Primary 1 when it was time to fill out documents (I don’t really sure what they were because I don’t give a damn about it by the time) and one of my teachers asked me about my dad.

 

“You live with your mom and dad?” They asked.

 

“No. I live mother only. My dad live somewhere else” I said bluntly.

 

“So they are divorced?” -_- and I was like ‘What the hell is “divorced”? ‘ by that time.

 

And the moment I went back home, I asked my mommy. And she said “Yes. Divorced, honey.”

 

Since I was this innocent and bashful little child to even ask, I just go with it. Just live with the fact my parents are divorced. I swear, I thought being divorced is fun. You get to live on your own, and enjoy life with your kids.

And I never would have dreamed to have a dad/ by that time, “daddy” was just a man I know had married my mother a very long time ago.

 

My mom seemed to enjoy being divorced. (she wasn’t actually) So do I and my brother. (we were and still are :p )

 

When I was older, (Before I went to high school) I always wish my mom would somehow remarry my dad. I don’t wish for he same thing to happen today though. Not in a million years.

I know what my dad were like when I was little.

He’s not actually a bad man, really. He does not hit my mom. Because if he did, he’d literally be killed by mom and will be feeded to the dogs. Seriously. But he’s not around while I was growing up. When Elvin was growing up. And that’s his lost. Not us.
 

Honestly, there’s a lot of things in this family that I found out by my own. And I know why my mom doesn’t really talks about it.

 

My mom doesn’t want me to be like in those movies where the mother finally says “You’re adopted” or “You are actually not a human” ( I made that one up, obviously) and the child went off crazy, crying like hell and then turn into a gorilla. (I made that one up too)  And because my mind were matured really quick at a very young age, I asked questions to know what or how their marriage fall apart and finally, I gathered all the pieces together. Like a jigsaw puzzle.

 

And I enjoyed doing that.

 

If I ever asked WHY they ever decided to file for a divorce, my mommy will always say “We were not meant to be together for a long time”

 

after long lines of curses and swears to my dad, 
of course. -,-

 

So? How does living FATHERLESS affected my life?

 

An obvious affects on me that I always notice is that it scares the hell out of me to meet someone’s dad. It’s always awkward to talk to male adults. My mom have a lot of friends, and maybe 70% of them are female. And that’s why I get along with girls so much. Because I was raised by my mom and aunts.

 

I learnt to talk with girls and to actually think like one. Well, I’ve always got the girls’ perspective.

And I would not say I’m girly, I would say I’m more touched to my feminine side. Or so everyone told me. -_-

 

SOMETIMES I feel like my life were inadequate. Like there’s a hole in my heart that’s never filled. Maybe it’s “father’s” love or whatever bullshit I think it is, but truly, something is missing. I’m giving  credit  to my mother 99% of my life, though, because she’s always been there in my life.

 

When I needed her. When I need someone to talk to.

 

And I know she have been trying so hard, working like dog, just to make sure My brother and I have the best things in life.

 

The best clothes. The best shoes. The best gadjets. The best food. The best lives.

 

And because of that I’m very grateful to be blessed with such mother. A strong, independent, will kick-you-in-the-ass-if-you-mess-with-her-or-her-kids woman.

 

Even so, she could not provide things like man-talk or you know, things we talk with our dad. But I think if my dad is around, I wouldn’t talk about manly stuff either. -_- so, it’s a no-one-benefit situation.

 

Once, I literally forced myself o cry because I don’t have a father. Because I thought my father never loved me. I know.. I mentioned above that I don’t care. And I did. But when I was 16 and was waiting for my mom to pick Elvin and I from hostel, I noticed a lot of my friends have their dad and mother picking them up.

 

By then, I thought “What it’s like to have a dad?”

 

and then I tried to create a melodramatic moment in my big head. Trying to imagine that I was a kid that never had a dad. (well, technically I am) and yes, I did cried. And then I thought, hey, I’ve been living 16 years without dad (technically), why the hell am I crying now? This is so not right!

 

And since that, I was determined that I will never want to see my dad. For the first time in my life, I actually tell myself to hate my dad. And I did. I hated him. I know I sound like a pissed off son and yes. I was. I actually prevailed in not meeting him for a year!

 

Well, he rarely called, that’s for starters.

But when he did called or show up at the school to meet me. I made up excuses. I prevailed 2 times actually. The third one can’t be helped because my dad were literally begged to see me. Well, he didn’t “begged” but you know.. let’s spice up the story a little.

 

The first attempt was not a big challenge. I was in my room and I did not know that he was waiting. =.= (Even if I did know, I’m sure I would not come anyway)

 

The second attempt is even easy. I was not there. And that was it. Easy.

 

Well the third time, he actually saw me. And asked one of my friend to call me. I rejected, of course, I told my friend to tell him I am absent. Not there. I was adamant not to see him. Not in a million years, I would probably swear.

 

But then I did. I need his blessings in life after all. After my friends persuaded me and after a long war inside myself and conscience, of course.

 And I’m glad I did. Thank you Allah.

 

Maybe the biggest affect I guess is how I view on love life and ‘True Love’ dog-ass bullshit. I never lived with a dad, and I don’t know how one supposed to be a father. How will he “lead the family” and all of that fatherly crap. I never lived long enough with a married couple with kids. My grandparents, even though I lived with them, will always be an exception because they were always there while I’m growing up.

 

What my point really saying is.. that I‘m afraid IF I may end up divorced like my parents did. Frankly, living with one parent is FUN. I would never dream living my childhood any other way. Even though I know it’s hard on my mom, but living fatherless have also made its toll on my brother and I. We bonded so strong, as if we were twins.

 

But now, I wish there is a man in my mother’s life. Someone who can take care of her, love her and complement her life. I’m afraid if I’m not around, if Elvin is not around, that she may need someone there to talk to, to have a shoulder to cry on, to have someone to hug and comfort her. And I wish my mom would marry someone.

 

Then, why is she still not married until this day?

 

Because she thought of us. My brother and I.

 

“If I’m going to marry a guys, he is going to marry all of us..”

 

“I can find and change man anytime I want, but I can’t replace both of you”

 

“I’m always scared that both of you would wake up one day and feel empty, living without your dad”

 

“Whoever and how bad he is, He is still your dad. Love and respect him.”

-My Mother-

 

and I guess, because of that she’s still not married until this day. Or the Right Man is not here yet.

 

One thing I have to be clear is that. I don’t hate my father. At least not anymore. I just pity him though. He missed the one of best years of his life. My childhood. Elvin’s childhood. And I don’t know if I ever will love him to the extend of a “deeper connection”.

Maybe not. Ever. I’m 19 now. 19 years of my-father-was-not-there time. And yes, I’m still a bit pissed off, and I don’t care about it anymore.

As I said, it’s his lost.

 

And I still, deep in my heart, love him.

AND I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT WHO HAVE WORSE ISSUE WITH THEIR PARENTS, AND I’M NOT SAYING MINE IS THE WORST. THERE ARE MORE SHITTY PARENTS OUT THERE. I’M GLAD MINE NOT SO MUCH.

I’VE LEARNED TO ACCEPT OUR PARENTS JUST THE WAY THEY ARE 🙂

(unless they are really, really a donkey-ass)

Thank you Allah for this 4 blessings in my life :

  1. Ismuna Binti Mustapa (World’s Best Mother)
  2. Elvin Adham (World’s Best Brother)
  3. Daniel Azwan (Your Awesome Servant) 🙂
  4. Priceless (My iPhone) XD

 

yours truly, 

Daniel Azwan

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Dammit, I really screwed up!!

Dammit, I really screwed up!!

Have you ever, in your whole life, screwed up really bad, that it seemed impossible to get back up?

Have you ever felt that the whole world has turned against you, and everything, EVERYTHING seemed not right??

“Have you ever thought that life is NOT the place where you have the pretty rainbows and lollipops? Instead, it’s a CRUEL, DARK and COLD pit that’s going to hunt you down and hit you to a pulp??”

Have you ever been in that place?

I have, and I am 😦

You see, I have a BIG, GIGANTIC dream to become a surgeon. Exactly, a brain surgeon. I receive some supportive feedbacks from some people, and also some backstabbing, underestimation and simply heart-breaking words from others. Whatever they wanted to say, I’ll just keep saying, “Shut the F up, and let me keep my dreams!!”

So after all these times, I have never really done anything in this amazing blog (so far, I lost like all of my readers.. 😦 ) It’s because all of the University’s work, assignments and, well, this thing called LIFE.

So how’s my life so far?? Well to be frank, it’s like being ungrateful or anything, oh, what the heck, let me  just tell the truth. Every time I feel more like a piece of worthless @#$%%%^%..

You see, I don’t really know what is happening to me, my body, my soul, my mind, or anything. I feel like I’m losing it. Yeah, you can say I’m crazy, well guess what, you got an A+ for that for sure!

I’m not happy here, seriously, not happy. I may be laughing now and then, I may be smiling while hearing Mariah Carey’s songs and also may be laughing hard while watching my favorite animes or even The Nanny and How I Met Your Mother, the real-honest truth is, I’m not, very much not Happy.

I felt like I have this big boulder on my shoulder, a big hole in my soul. There’s something not right here. I seek my answer to God, and I know very much that I was the trouble here. God has shown me the way, and my lazy butt and my feeling of scared of the real world have pushed me to the option. Instead, I keep on my “safe-zone” and only keeping my feelings bottled up and thus, making me feeling more lost than ever.

I’m having trouble with my studies, and I am going to act like a man and say this out loud, No, it’s not because of the mixed-up feelings that’s bottled up inside me, it’s because of my laziness and my unmotivated spirit. Some of my friends here, (I hope they are not reading this, but if you are, I’m very sorry), they view me as this (well, what I think they are thinking about me) boy who’s well, very peaceful, very “cool” to say, because whenever there is a problem, like well, worth-panicking about, I can act very cool about it, Yes, that’s one of my most annoying traits.

The truth is guys, I’m not that cool. That only happens when I’m in this “I don’t care a single thing about it” mood. Maybe some of you might think, “Okay, the internet has brought me to a crazy-blogger land” well, you got an A+ for that too.

Because right now, I’m losing it.

It’s true I didn’t pray hard enough, it’s true, that I think I’m not that sincere to perform my prayer, and maybe that’s what’s holding me back.. I really needed someone who I can talk to, so maybe I can talk to my mom. Well, I called her like many times, and some of the feelings just won’t wash off. Have you ever called your mom, and hoping that, I don’t know, I just hope she understands me and that you only realized that even that won’t save the problem?? It’s not like she wouldn’t help, but whenever I hear her voice, I just feel like I can’t say these things to her. I know I have to deal with this alone.

And that’s what I’m feeling now, ALONE.

So life as a Foundation student isn’t as hard as I think it was. All you have to do is study, eat healthily, do all your assignments, and well, pass the exams. It’s this sick system that’s just won’t get through my system. I know I sound like a rebellious teenager, well, that’s exactly what I’m feeling right now,

A REBELLIOUS TEENAGER.

I don’t know what to be in life, I can’t see my life in the next 5 years, I don’t what I should do. I have this final exam next week, and I don’t know if I can pass this exam. I’m DOUBTING myself. My mother always said to me to “Always believe myself” and “Never ever give up” and instead, I’m doing all of the opposites.

This may be hard to understand, and maybe some of you also may experience the same thing in the past or even now, but I’m having a hard time growing up. So stressed out, I’m eating A LOT THAN USUAL, Yes, it’s not like a normal LOT but this is seriously A LOT.

I woke up this morning and I was thinking, hey you know what? I want to smoke!

And I found myself walking in the garden, on my quest to “figure out who I am”. Then I was thinking about going to my friend’s room to smoke.

 But of course, I have not. Yet.

I’m really stressed out, and the only thing I want to do right now is talking about my problems to somebody.

And yes, I lost some of my AWESOMENESS 😦

 
18 Comments

Posted by on September 21, 2013 in HaRsH ReALitY!

 

Tags: ,

Image

Are we playing God? : creating glow-in-the-dark PETS!

Are we playing God? : creating glow-in-the-dark PETS!

Scientists almost every part of the world have done a deep, non-stop research on how to alter plants, animals and even mankind to certain degree based on what their want and what they thought we “NEED”. At first, we might think that it’s okay if we do the ‘traditional method’ which is by selective breeding, but when they tried to change their subject’s true nature to the extent of altering the DNA or the genes, the real debate about ethics and religious means come slipping in.

Vacanti mouse, a hairless mouse and a growing human ear on its back

Vacanti mouse, a hairless mouse and a growing human ear on its back

What I’ve read, I’m not sure if it’s true or not..  this rat is not a result of genetic engineering but it occurred when this “growing cartilage cells’ was implanted on the back of this mouse..

 Well, maybe they can attach some of this cells to real human especially to soldiers who lost their ears during the war… I don’t know about you guys, but to me it’s really creepy.. the mice is real though, the non-genetical-egineered part is the one I’m not sure about.. 

“can they hear on those ears?? I don’t wanna know!!”

images (1)

So moving on to my actual topic, the South Korean scientist recently has just created a cloned cat, but not just  the fact that the cat is cloned, but it is also GLOWING!! yeah, you heard me, they are

Absolutely glowing!!

Monkeys

Monkeys

Fish

Fish

Cats

Cats

Fish

Fish

10-glowing-animals-9-13-11

Mice

Yeah, I thought the only glowing fish in this world is the one from Nemo.. LOL 😛

finding_nemo_dory_marlin_angler_fish

…and recently, the Uruguay scientist have successfully created a glowing sheep..

images (4)

Okay, if you answered number three, your grandmother need to be tested…..

????????????????????????????????????????????

How did they make these fluorescent animals?? By modifying a gene from a jellyfish which allowed them to create a Green-fluorescent-protein (GFP) which glows when they hit Ultra-Violet light.. then they transferred the gene into the animals donor embryo.Then, that’s the result!! Voila!!.. yeah, you won’t get them glowing just by turning off the light, you have to get them passed through UV light.. ah! Spoiler alert!!

So?? what do you guys think about this “Glowing animals”?? Why are they are made?? Because, our scientist believe that these animals, for instance the glowing cat,

TV_Tropes_Flashlight_Image_5440

cat

Can you imagine you woke up one night and your cat is starring you like this??—————–>

“Cats that can glow in the dark from a new genetic engineering technique are helping scientists study molecules that could stop AIDS”

This is because cat have this disease, which I also heard it for the first time after my uncle Google told me, called Feline-immunodeficiency-Virus (FIV) a close relative of the HIV, except, it only affects felines; cats, tigers, lion, etc.

“As long as this doesn’t hurt or affect these animals it’s OK??” What do you guys think?? Should animals be treated in such way?? The animals, didn’t change any behaviour or any physical changes, it’s just that they glows.. but in any other ways, they are the same…

THE BIGGEST QUESTION IN ALL GENETICS ALTERATION IS…

“ARE WE PLAYING GOD??”

In Islam, the Satan disclosed some of his plots to confound man and said;

“Verily of Thy servants I shall most certainly take my due share, and shall lead them astray and fill them with vain desires. And I shall command them so that they cut off the ears of cattle (in idolatrous sacrifice), and I shall command them and they will CHANGE GOD’s CREATION.” (Qur’an 4:119)

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT POST! Wassalam.. 😉

 
5 Comments

Posted by on May 9, 2013 in HaRsH ReALitY!

 

Tags: , , ,

“Too HOT to handle” : Deported for being Hotties?

“Too HOT to handle” : Deported for being Hotties?

Currently, the internet has went viral about numerous rumors about 3 men that was deported from Saudi Arabia simply for being “TOO HANDSOME”.. A lot of blogs and videos that was uploaded into the Youtube claimed that such incident actually occurred without even trying to do a DEEP RESEARCH of what had actually happened..  if you guys don’t believe me, go and see my amazing Auntie, her name is Youtube and see it yourself…

The three men, according to another source suggest that the three HOTTIES were Omar Borkan al-Gala, Imran Abbas Naqvi and also Mutaib bin Abdullah..

Omar Borkan al-Gala

Omar Borkan al-Gala

Imran Abbas Naqiv

Imran Abbas Naqvi

Mutaib bin Abdullah

Mutaib bin Abdullah

It was said that these men were arrested by a religious policemen, during a  National Festival for Heritage and Culture because was feared that they were IRRESISTIBLE to the female visitors…

So.. is it TRUE or a BIG-FAT HOAX??

So fellas.. Use your BRAINS and Think…… can the incident of three men deportation from their own country, simply is the truth?? Or is this just one big media wreaking havoc headlines???

The correct answer is……………

Not True!!

As it turns out, NO ONE is actually deported from their country let alone three Emirati men with ridiculous reason of being too handsome that will “SEDUCE” attending women to an uncontrollable hormonal rage…

According to a more reliable source, the UK’s Al-Arab:

A member of the Saudi feared religious police, known as Mutawa, stormed the UAE pavilion at National Festival for Heritage and Culture, also known as Al Janadriyah, but was forced out by the Gulf Kingdom’s national guards.

The incident took place when the Mutawa member objected to the presence of the Emirati singer Aryam in her country’s pavilion.

A brief U-Tube film showed several guards surround the member of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice before they escorted him out of the pavilion at the annual festival in the Saudi capital Riyadh.
.

See?? It’s all a made-up news just so that lonely people get more attention for something that’s not true, made-up and simply PHONY.. no such thing as a men deported from their country just for have good looks.. if my country have such law,

“I’m sure I’ll be deported as well 😛 !!”

yeah.. that’s probably one big dream of mine..

Omar Borkan al-Gala, according to the head of Mutawaeen, Sheikh Abdullatif Al-Sheikh, is indeed present at that time, and was dancing inappropriately at the family section and it was really disturbing that made several complaints about his demeanor not for his charming good-looks..

Again,

This is just a false news that’s clearly made up that causes people to misunderstand Muslims, Muslims countries and the Islamic laws concerning gender and sexuality. 

There is no Islamic Law that supports such a thing…

See you in the next post!! Wasalam..

What should I write next?? -_-

 
2 Comments

Posted by on May 7, 2013 in HaRsH ReALitY!

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

JEFFREY DAHMER : Devil-formed Man, you have to read this!

JEFFREY DAHMER : Devil-formed Man, you have to read this!

When I was searching through the Internet for infamous killers, I found this one article about the top 10 notorious killers.. I decided to write about this guy first (Maybe the others later) well, simply because I find this guy as UTTERLY MAKING ME SICK.. For those who do not know who’s this devil is.. his name is JEFFREY LIONEL DAHMER.. and for those who doesn’t care for what he did, just like when I saw his name for the first time, here is why you should read this…

220px-Jeffrey-dahmer

Jeffrey Dahmer

                                   

   He’s an American sex offender and a notorious serial killer..

yeah.. I’ve seen worst than that…

He murdered 17 men and boys in his years of killing

Yupp.. I’ve heard someone did a lot worse…

and he’s a necrophilia.. yeah, for those who don’t really care what this fancy word means and are lazy enough to look it up in the dictionary (like me), I asked my brilliant uncle like always, Uncle Google. And he told me; “Necrophilia is a SEXUAL ATTRACTION TOWARDS CORPSES..”

What??!!

Let me ask you guys, a SIMPLE QUESTION..

Who voted the first and third choice.. you guys really need to go to a mental hospital… and to those who voted second choice, CONGRATULATIONS! You are still a human..

We are not finish yet.. Dahmer also dismembered his victims.. Again, I’m not that dictionary guy, so uncle Google told me;“dismembering is the removal of limbs.. or body parts..” Which means, this Jeffrey guy cut his victims into pieces!!

So.. imagine cutting chicken…                                    but, instead of chicken.. A real human!!BaUePxmY

download

 

I know…  It’s really creepy and disgusting at the same time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

and kept some of the pieces as a trophy.. some of us might get trophy for sports or any kinds of competition… he kept human body parts!! Especially the skull and male genitals! (Male reproductive organs)

The actual penis, head and hands..

The actual penis, head and hands..

A skull

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and the last thing is.. he also engaged CANNIBALISM… So, wait.. he have sex with the dead body, cut it into pieces and EAT IT??  

EXACTLY! A+ for that!

Also an addition to that, He tried various seasonings and meat tenderizers to make the human flesh more tasty. Eating human flesh gave him an erection. His famous freezer contained strips of frozen human flesh. He had tried human blood too, but it did not appeal to his taste buds.

So.. blood does not appeal your tastes bud. Then you clearly failed to be one of the Cullens…

But, you like eating flesh?? Then, sign up to…

Holocaust Cannibal Family album

download (3)

His cook book?? probably??

images (1)

Imagine hands and feet as nuggets and chicken wings.. that’s delicious.. I guess..

Okay… I know right?? It’s.. he’s SICK!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dahmer’s first ever victim is a guy named Steven Hicks, a hitchhiker. This occurred when Dahmer was still living with his parents in the  upscale community of Bath, Ohio. They drank beer and had sex, but, when Hicks wanted to leave, Dahmer just did not want him to do so. So you know what he did? He killed him by striking BARBELL on Hicks’ head! He got rid of the body by cutting the dead body, packaged the pieces and buried in the woods behind his house. After a couple of years, he dug up the remains of the dead body, pounded it with a sledgehammer and disperse the pieces in the woods.

Few years later, while living with his grandmother at West Allis, Wisconsin, he killed his second victim named Steven Toumi,

Steven Toumi

Steven Toumi

in September 1987 in a hotel room. They met at a popular gay bars and they had been drinking heavily that night. Too drunk, Jeffrey didn’t even remembered how he killed the guy, but when he woke up, Toumi is dead and blood was on his mouth. So, he bought a large suitcase and stuffed Toumi and took the dead body into his grandmother’s basement where he had sex with it, masturbated in it, dismembered it and threw the pieces into the garbage.

download (6)

Jamie Doxtator

Severals months after that, he chose his next victim, Jamie Doxtator, a 14-year-old Native American. He was hanging outside a gay bar. By that time, it’s more likely to say that Dahmer has reached the “professional” level of killing. He established his method of killing his victims by first, offering money to the guys to pose for a picture or to simply enjoy beers and videos. After that,

“He strangle them to death, masturbate on it or have sex with the dead body SEVERAL TIMES, cut it into pieces, and get rid of the body…”

He practiced this method on a handsome Mexican men named Richard Guerrero and no, I’m pretty sure that he’s not related to the late Eddie Guerrero…

The late Eddie Guerrero

The late Eddie Guerrero

Richard Guerrero

Richard Guerrero

Several months later, Jeffrey was arrested for child sexual exploitation and second-degree sexual assault. He was pleaded guilty, although he claimed that he thought that the boy was much older than he was.. yeah right… While waiting for his sentencing, he met a 24 year-old black homosexual named Anthony Sears, and as usual, he drugged the guy, strangled him and had sex with the dead body before dismembering the body and threw the pieces away!

 Okay, you know what, this guy is plain creepy! Just reading his story, I felt like I met satan, but in the human form. Like seriously! Wait, I forgot this one teeny-tiny detail about this case, oh yeah! It’s the fact that he…

“Kept the skull as as a souvenir! He boiled the skull, remove the skin and painted it grey.. so it looks like a skull for a medical student! and.. he masturbate in front of the skull for gratification…”

yeah masturbation pretty much mentioned, because that’s pretty much what he did… A lot! Okay, I don’t really want to sound all pervert-ish or all, but how can you be “pleasuring” yourself while looking at a real-dead-skull? People are aroused looking at something… just something else, he’s turned on by a corpse? He’s totally qualified to be the husband in THE CORPSE BRIDE!

I finally met the one…

When in court, he managed to pull out a Marvelous performance and triumphantly and the judge fell for it.. He said :

 “..Please give me a chance to show that I can, that I can tread the straight and narrow and not get involved in any situation like this ever again… This enticing a child was the climax of my idiocy… I do want help. I do want to turn my life around.”jeffrey-dahmer-406

That is being said by the same guy who had raped, dismembered and scattered the remains of several guys.. which is still unknown by that time..

Okay.. I don’t really want to turn my blog into a journal, so if you want to read the whole story, check out http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/serial_killers/notorious/dahmer/

You’ll be amazed and startle by his story, I guess..

Here some highlights I think is important..it’s actually loathing, so prepare a bucket or plastic to vomit in..

When Jeffrey is a kid, he actually used to kill animals and peel the animals to “see” what’s inside of the animals anatomy looks like. *This isn’t his activity pictures, don’t get a wrong idea*

images (2) images (3)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So.. I guess the skills and curiosity developed over the years??

His apartment, (213, 924 North 25th street) smelled so bad because..

He put some of his victims decomposing bodies, inside his house…

Put something like this in your house might be a good idea sometimes, I guess..

Put something like this in your house might be a good idea sometimes, I guess..

 

He’s mostly infamous by his Fridge. Well, it’s not that bizarre or anything, it’s just that, in his fridge, instead of having….

download (7)

Ice cream

download (8)

Chicken meat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, he has….

 

download (5)

Delightful hand

images

Delicious heads of handsome men

download (4)

Savory feet

download (2)

well, probably a lot of luscious human..He has………….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He also had his disturbing sexual fantasies with a soulless body since he was 14 years old!!

yeah.. I’m really turned on by watching this corpse above…

 

However, in the end, he was killed by an inmate where he was imprisoned… That’s the end.

For more info. check out 

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT POST! What should I write about next??

 

 

 
11 Comments

Posted by on May 4, 2013 in HaRsH ReALitY!, What the @#$%??!

 

Tags: , , , ,

Aside
Human Ken Doll : A body artist extremist

” I’ve always been into plastic surgery because it’s an extension of me being perfect” -JUSTIN JEDLICA-

Flattered dubbed as the ” Human Ken Doll” by the 2020, Justin Jedlica, a self-proclaimed addict has undergone under the knife between 90 and 100 times which cost him about $100,000!!

All of that perky muscles...is actually not muscle!!

All of that perky muscles…is actually not muscle!!

For the past 10 years, Jedlica has almost all sorts of surgeries, he had five nose jobs, cranial brow bone shaping, augmentations to his cheeks, lips, and chin as well as pectoral implants, six-pack implants, biceps, triceps and shoulder silicone implants. So, when you see his sculpted body, you would actually mistaken him for a fanatic bodybuilder or someone who excercise regularly.

The fact is, his muscles are more silicon, than actual meat.

Had 90 surgeries and still counting..

Had 90 surgeries and still counting..

He started his crazy ride of plastic surgery when he was 18 years old, just 3 days after his birthday! I have to say that plastic surgeries are preety common among people nowadays especially for those who feel very insecure about themselves and too scared and ashamed to be UGLY or OLD, but, seriously, I disagree that people utilize this technology to “metamorphosize” themselves into a ridiculous-looking person…

 Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Justin for what he did, it’s just, for people out there who’s thinking and considering to go under the knife,

You better stop..

You better stop..

 

kent

The Human Ken Doll

Can you imagine what this would cause to him??

Well, I  actually, don’t care about it, it’s his body, it’s

his face we are talking about… But seriously… almost

every part of his upper body is full with silicon!! I

mentioned before, 90 over surgeries.. and that’s

actually not the end of his never-ending quest for the

perfect him..

His alteration journey..

His alteration journey..

In Dr Drew on Call show, a clinical psychologist, Michelle Goland stated that; ” I think it’s about a real preoccupation, for what I would call APPROVAL.” what do you guys think about her statement?? A lot of people has a past trauma, either being called names for their differences, flaw and defects end up with doing this plastic surgery..

The silicone feels like this..

The silicone feels like this..

Almost every part of his body, the upper parts especially are

augmented with silicone implants.. Just imagine all that body

muscles.. is actually solid silicone.. if you squeeze his muscle,

I’m sure it will feel like as if you are pressing a breast.. Now,

     that’s a new definition of men’s boobs.

Okay.. so most people might think..

Why don't you just go to the gym and do some excercise??

Why don’t you just go to the gym and do some excercise??

He answered; “that is so not exciting, not glamorous or fabulous”… wait, what?? So, how do you picture yourself in the next 20 years from now?? Or when you are 65 years old and all the tissues are starting to wear off??

Don’t all of us want to age gracefully??

What will he look like in his golden years??

What will he look like in his golden years??

Now, I know who doesn’t for sure.. this is one of his old picture before he got any surgeries and he is UGLY.. yeah right, ugly.. he’s handsome enough, so what’s to fix??

images ken5

He consider himself as an artist, and his body is his artwork..

He even said; “Would you expect  Pablo Picasso to stop working on his masterpieces?” So, he isn’t stopping either..

After 90 cosmetic procedure of altering his natural looks, he is still dont want to stop.. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM AFTER THIS??

I’d like to see that..

Which one you guys wish to be just like him??

Which one you guys wish to be just like him??

From Islamic view, all

sorts of enhancements,

alterations and physical

transformations are strictly

forbidden IF it’s meant for

beauty for everybody to

notice..

 Narrated ‘Abdullah: Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing and those who get themselves tattooed, and those who remove their face hairs, and those who create a space between their teeth artificially to look beautiful, and such women as change the features created by Allah. Why then should I not curse those whom the Prophet has cursed? And that is in Allah’s Book. i.e. His Saying: ‘And what the Apostle gives you take it and what he forbids you abstain (from it).’ (59.7)

So.. to all men out there.. who wanted to inject and alter your body the fastest, laziest way, now, you have an idol..cuoc-chien-giua-cap-doi-bup-be-ngoai-doi-thuc (7)

I thought this is just only a fantasy doll world….real_life_ken

Wait… they exist???!

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT POST!! What should I write about next??

leave your comments and suggestions below!

Human Ken Doll : A body artist extremist

 
6 Comments

Posted by on April 29, 2013 in HaRsH ReALitY!

 

Tags: , , , , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: